How Not To Pick Up A Girl On A Night Out

1. Complimenting An Outfit

Tonight I took the brave decision to wear one of those dresses that barely covers my behind. This is brave because it means I risk displaying everything when I breathe but, as far as I’m concerned it shouldn’t be classed under the brave because I’m inviting groping from strange men category.  What I chose to wear is one of those “look but don’t touch” deals, I get to feel like I look great and if someone chooses to appreciate that from afar, no harm no foul. However if you going to go in for a feel, then that’s just detrimental to that arrangement. If you make me feel so uncomfortable in a short dress, I will eventually just start wearing a parka on a night out (the air cons do get rather chilly).

2. In Case I Haven’t Made It Clear Enough…

Groping me from crotch to arse as you walk past me isn’t going to make me jump into bed with you but may earn you a black eye.

3. What To Do If You’re Rebuffed

WALK AWAY. It couldn’t be clearer. You leave. Everyone strikes out sometimes (the alternate REM lyrics), it’s not a big deal, laugh it off and go back to your mates. You’ll know you’re being turned down by a few key signals (sometimes they can be quite subtle):

  • The person says NO
  • The person tells you they’re in a relationship
  • The person walks away
  • The person doesn’t smile, scowls, turns away

These aren’t all of the ways but they’re pretty much the key ones to look at especially number two, that’s pretty crucial. If, say, a girl is so not into you that she tells you that she’s in a relationship with her best girl mate who backs her up, the appropriate response is to surrender defeat. YOU DO NOT tell them to prove it. What that will earn you is a torrent of abuse. I cannot stress this enough, you have absolutely no right whatsoever to demand that and to refuse to leave until they do as you request.

4. A Good Way To Go About It

I don’t wish to post something wholly negative so instead I’ll give you a few examples of good flirting, of situations that would have at least earned the guy my number. The first occurred as I walked to the bar. One of our friends did something daft as he is wont to do and it started a conversation with a group of lads in front, one of whom said he earned money drawing. I immediately inquired as to how and he admitted that it was because he was an engineer. When I called him a liar he responded with yeah, but it started a conversation didn’t it? This, this is an example of charmingly cheeky. He didn’t invade my personal space, he made me laugh and had I seen him later I would have remembered him. The second example is that of the cute bartender who winks when he sees you and serves you with a smile. Admittedly, he has one up on most guys being that he is the keeper of the booze, but he’s charming, polite, funny and NOT INAPPROPRIATE. I have quite a soft spot for this barman because in a sea of people using the bar queue to cop a feel, it’s quite nice to talk to a sober guy with manners.

I don’t think any of the things I’ve mentioned here are mind-blowing or revolutionary but I’ve had my first, mostly, sober night out in a while and I’ve come home feeling violated enough to feel that the message is worth reiterating. The main points are that unless you know the person, you shouldn’t grope them, chances are high that it will be an unwanted advance. This isn’t really a grey area. This applies regardless of gender and orientation – it just so happens that tonight I only had issues with the male population of my favourite bar in the union.


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