So, tonight I was having a few drinks with people I’ve only recently met and who I am now working closely with on the paper. Someone mentioned playing Never Have I Ever and suddenly I find myself confessing to parts of my history that I was hoping never to share.
I have something of a love/hate relationship with Never Have I Ever because of my feelings about my past.
The hate part of it is that it drags up stories and memories that I wish I could forget. This basically includes every single thing I have ever done that can come up while playing this game. While I generally live by a “don’t regret anything because it has made me who I am” policy, I would be happy to bend the rules when it comes to some of these details.
I don’t know if I had the time again, that I would take anything back because above all things, I’ve learned to trust my instincts. And I was, in all but one situation – the most infamous of them all – in love, or certainly falling that way. I guess the best thing to compare it to is being drunk and this is the subsequent hangover where I swear never again. Which so far, I’ve stuck to.
The love part of Never Have I Ever is that at least it all becomes funny, ridiculous tales of being young and stupid. No one looks any further and it sort of makes the whole mortification bearable.
Then again, it makes it appear like I get around a lot and everyone always expects me to be like that now. All but one story occurred between 16-19. Since then, I’ve been better, a “good girl” for the most part.
I’m not sure whether it’s because I have been so badly broken by the guys I’ve messed around with and, having finally put myself back together, I’m four times as shy or that I would be just as stupid if I met someone who I felt that way about again but I haven’t so that’s why I’ve been so good. Either way, since I got to uni, barring one or two incidents, I have been scandal free.
I don’t know if the problem is my Christian upbringing and the guilt that comes with it that I didn’t wait till marriage, I’m not sure if it is my terrible judgement in guys and the experiences that come from that or if I’m just infinitely happier single without the crazy that comes with getting involved with someone else.
And yes, I realise for the most part we’re talking about picking people up and taking them home but that really doesn’t work for me.
I don’t know where I was going with this, but I just felt like I needed to say it. I guess my parting sentiment should be that my taste clearly hasn’t changed because I am really attracted to this guy who is a complete arse and I know that I would sleep with him if I was talked around enough to be willing to ignore the better decisions part of my brain. So clearly I haven’t changed at all.